Friends, The Jewels.

I don't see you the way you think I do
Not she or he, not him or her
I see you all differently
Through my eyes you are all jewels
More precious than gold

There's a Ruby and an Emerald
A Sapphire and a Diamond.
An Opal and a Pearl.

All so different, all so magnificent
All so able to pull me out and lift me up
Some traveled the world, some turned up unannounced
All stood strong by my side
I told you, you're more precious than gold.

So the next time you feel lonely or blue
Remember I don't see you the way you think I do
Through my eyes you all look bright
Jewels I will never let out of my sight.

My Words

The Tattooed Scar.

A tattoo you have forever
Etched on your skin
Sometimes with meaning
Sometimes with regret
It was a choice and it stays

A scar you have forever
Your damaged skin
An accident, a fall
A memory of your strength
Visible pain and resurrection

The scars on your heart
You carry invisible
Sometimes you weep
Sometimes you fall
There is no healing for the blame
No respite from the guilt
You cannot hide from the sadness
All consuming, completely engulfing
Frightening darkness.

I pray for peace,
I pray for solace
I pray one day I will feel the strength
To walk tall again

My heart hurts
And will never heal
From this tattooed scar
I will always feel.

Some Words, Some Mine, Some Others...

Depression happens when a deeply held belief about oneself or one’s life is shown to be incorrect in a deeply negative way

I can’t pick myself up by my bootstraps. I have no bootstraps, my shoes are worn down to the SOUL.

I am very happy but vulnerable to the fear of tumbling into the abyss.

Recognize your depression; recognize that it can be overcome; lock yourself in solitude; shut down with whatever technique works; dive down inside yourself, inside your mind; lose all fear, go back in time and dig through your dark forest of problems; find the roots and expose them to yourself; kill the roots with positive explanations if they didn’t already wither in the sunlight of exposure; then emerge from yourself victorious.

Let Go…Let Go. Let your troubled mind become peaceful. You don't have to try just let Go…

My Father once said I was a waste of space…I’m determined to prove him right.

I have a very close friend who loves to feed off other people’s misery. She loves to point it out and laugh at it, she loves to announce it in front of other people and let them laugh at it too. She likes to prod at your failings and your disappointments and remind you of them time and time again, even when they mean very little to you anymore. I am trying to understand that she does it because she herself is utterly, incomprehensibly, entirely, wholly and completely swathed in the black abyss of despair and misfortune herself. I believe whole-heartedly that for her, it is worse than my own sorrow. Which is why I, like a phoenix, will rise from the ashes, better, stronger, healthier and with the light of a thousand suns to blind her wicked ways. So much so, she will retire her fiendish remarks to the back of her clouded mind and find the ways and means to heal herself.

We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Life is absurd. My life is absurd. I’ve learned to laugh more at both.

We are a team. I am on your side.

An Ode To Henry

I cried at least 3 times during Henry Rollins show, I’m not sure if my peeps on either side of me noticed but I did. I choked up and let the tears roll out for many reasons throughout the 2 and a half hours of listening to this man speak. Marching out on stage at 8 o’clock on the dot and assaulting us with his words from start to finish, without a breath, without a sip of water, the man was a little punk rock machine, a little firecracker of light and bitter truth about the world we live in.

I cried when he spoke of Constance McMillen the little girl banned from her Prom just because she wanted to take her girlfriend. He spoke words of confusion that this abomination was still going on in the world. His anger at the ignorance of the ‘adults’ in this situation mirrored mine to the point where I truly wanted to stand up and scream “I fucking love you Henry!!!” but I refrained and let the man speak. His genuine plea for us to be the generation of change touched me as it became obvious that due to his age he already knows his rebellion and protest wouldn’t necessarily make any difference now. It was clear that deep down he knows he would run the risk of coming across as merely a grumpy old man in the golden age of Facebook and Twitter. Rollins is smarter than this though, he wasn’t talking into the darkness, nor was he preaching he was using his anecdotes to plead with us for change, he was telling us to get our heads out of cyberspace and open our fucking eyes to reality. He was very aware of what he was doing and of course he made us laugh but he also intended to make us think, think really fucking hard.

I had tears when he spoke about his fondness for Ru Paul and what she does. His tenderness and sincerity about her and everything she stands for was wonderful and truly heart warming. A tad jarring to be confronted with an angry punk rocker who is besties with a drag queen but absolutely delightful all the same. He can laugh at himself being weirdly attracted to these men dressed in drag and poke fun at how uncomfortable it made him. With this though, I couldn’t help but think it was a slight taunt at heterosexuality, a little sneer at homophobes and the real reasons why they feel they way they feel. Henry also had a dig at the Catholic Church; me being Catholic would suggest I wouldn’t agree with him. On the contrary, it was another moment I had to concentrate on keeping my bum in the seat and keeping my joyous chants of ‘Henry Henry Henry!’ under control. He highlighted their contradictions and pointed out just how glaringly obvious their hypocrisy is and how ridiculous it is that people still think of it as a sacred institution. Each to their own yes, but when you are just doing something downright dumb you deserve to be pointed and laughed at, Amen.

I had to write this, I had to spill out how I felt about Henry and what he did for my mental well-being on Monday night. Being surrounded by wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, genuine people 90% of the time sometimes doesn’t cancel out the fact that the other 10% of the time I am faced with bumbling fucking idiots who don’t deserve to be where they are. Sometimes it is because they’ve never travelled, never watched a good film, never read a great book, never tried to learn about a different culture but most of all it is because they have never taken a risk. Anything out of the norm is too fucking scary for them so they sit around patting each other on the backs because they were so clever to stay where they always were. I’m full of vitriol for these people because I feel helpless in trying to educate them to look beyond the surface of their shallow lives. I fucking despise ignorance and Henry only added fuel to my fire. In saying that though he also made me realise I can do something about it, I can make a difference, I can stand for change. I can read beyond the morning papers, I can travel and see other cultures; I can speak to people of different sexual orientation, religion and beliefs and educate myself to understand this world a little bit better. Furthermore, I know that my children will be encouraged to be curious of the bigger picture. They will hopefully want to lead enriched and cultured lives through my influence. I know that I will accept them unconditionally no matter what their preferences may be and the choices they make. Maybe this is all I can do? Maybe it won’t really matter? I will do it anyway, I am not willing to let Henry down even if I was the only one to see it or god forbid I interpreted his intentions wrong, I will stand up for change.

Finally, I think the really funny part about how I felt after it was over was that I found myself missing Mr Rollins. Like, really missing him, as if I had uncorked a bottle of wine and sat talking with him until the sun came up and then he took off. It was like a good friend of mine had come to see me, we spent time together talking out the problems in the world and then they disappeared and I didn’t know when I would see them again. Maybe it is because ever since I left my home country I have had to deal with that particular situation more times than I would have liked. When travelling you can connect with others in no time whatsoever, you can be best mates with someone within minutes but the next day they are gone, off on their next adventure. Yet, they leave a little part of them with you and you in turn pass this on to the next person you meet. I kind of felt like this when Henry walked off stage, he was gone, and I had changed.

So, I’m telling you. I’m spreading Henry’s word and passing on the change that shifted in me. Hopefully, somehow, I can create that shift in someone else and we can all work towards making the world just a wee bit better for all of us.

I love you Henry x

The words I longed to hear!

Anyway.......
on a final note
Guess who I just spent a week in the studio with?
Would you be pleased if I said one of them was called Steve and one of them was called Duke and another was a grammy winning producer?

Who loves ya?
x


I do Shirley! I DO!!!!!!!!

Take this Kelis...

Yvette Feilding creator of the Universe?

I found this post on a blog totally randomly and found it incredibly amusing. Mainly because it conjured up memories of watching Blue Peter after school and even writing to them to let them know I was a staunch advocate for the plight of the environment, I was 10.
And yes, with the reply came the legendary Blue Peter badge. It was the rarely seen green and white badge instead of the blue and white. It got me into Glasgow Zoo for free. The same Zoo that was closed years later for cruelty to animals.

Atheists, christians, muslims, jews, Bob, Fred and hell even you Margeret.?
I offer you another religion, it makes as much sense as the other ones. I put it to you that the universe was created by Yvette Feilding, she constructed it some 48 billion years ago with old loo roll tubes, sticky backed plastic and empty ice-cream pots. After putting it into a cupboard and forgetting about it she found it some 13.2 billion years ago and decided to use it. She is the most successful Blue Peter presenter and so is clearly the architect behind the whole universe, other Blue Peter presenters are either prophets or saints and need be respected. I propose that Yvette Feilding inserted herself into this current time frame to guide us, and that we should honor her by becoming tax exempt and really rather zealous. Religious sermons involve watching Blue Peter episodes and learning from them.